My story isn’t the stuff of Hollywood movies! I was born last century during an amazing time in Australian history, when the world was changing and women were realizing that we are warriors! I’m 49, I survived my parent’s divorce when I was five and I was raised by the strongest human I know, the lady who taught me to be a warrior, my Mum.

If I was born in the 21st century I’m sure Mum would have had me off to a psychologist. I was crippled with anxiety, I struggled academically and I had very few friends. As I look back over my life I think I’ve battled anxiety since I was five. But I was a good girl, innocent as they came, never drank, smoked or slept around and I think the shyness probably saved me from all those things. I was a kid from a broken home, I struggled at school and I truly know what it feels like to experience loneliness and rejection…that’s my story in a nutshell.

So what was it that made me a warrior, because that’s the good stuff, that’s the stuff that makes us shine even during profound despair?

Mum taught me two things that have anchored my soul throughout my life! They are grace and love! Being a warrior isn’t about fighting the latest cause or living the most upright life. It’s the stuff that makes you real, the stuff that makes you vulnerable, the stuff that makes you human! That’s the stuff that makes others look in at your world and ask how you continue to love a man who calls you nasty names when the lights are out? How you are so gracious towards the mother at school whose kid is picking on your kid. How you can love your grown-up child, partner or sibling who’s addicted to meth, or the husband who drinks every night? People will wonder how you continue to graciously help your grown-up daughter, even though you’ve noticed she drinks a little too much desperately trying to avoid the stress and pressure of 21st century life!

People will ask how you can love till your soul aches! How you got back up after you’ve buried a child or a lover. Or for me, how I survived the devastation of infertility, failed IVF and letting go of eleven nonviable embryos even though the world said, “But they’re just cells”. Chrissy and Samuel are our two amazing miracles, but I will never forget the pain of those dark days, when they lived in my heart! Where they already had names and they were loved even though we may never have met them this side of Heaven. Please God don’t let me ever forget that pain!!

Back last century after I finished school, I scraped into UNI and started a teaching degree. I was the lazy student, easily distracted, unable to stay on task, couldn’t read a page of notes or spell to save myself. Ultimately, I was “excluded” from UNI…I was expelled!  What happened next redefined me! I began to make friends, I became a youth leader, I discovered I could sing and I learned to love and believe in the woman looking back at me in the mirror.

By the time I turned 24 I’d failed at school, failed at UNI and bluffed my way through a Bible College Diploma when all roads led too Esperance. Naive, shy and totally unprepared, I went to work for Teen Challenge, a long-term, drug and alcohol rehabilitation program north of Esperance in Western Australia. But before I move on let me take you back a few years.

When I was 16 I would lie out under the stars on our driveway and pray for the man of my dreams. I’d pray, “God, wherever he is, whatever he’s doing, show him how much You love him and how much I love him!”  When I started praying for Stef I had no idea he was an 11-year-old boy, living on the other side of the world in England. That he needed to grow up and his 2nd stepfather would move his family to Australia to escape the life of crime that would have undoubtedly been his life.

There are so many incredible stories I could tell you from those days. Stories that defined me, challenged me to forgive myself and helped forge me into the woman I am today. Stories of warriors like the lone figure who growled at me from underneath their dark sunglasses and black bandana the night I walked into Teen Challenge. I didn’t know whether that lone figure was male or female, but they scared me to my core. My old nemesis, anxiety, raised its ugly head as I quietly retreated, wondering what on earth I’d gotten myself into.

For many years my failures and inadequacies defined me. But somewhere in my forties I’ve discovered that my Nan was right! I can hear her voice clear as day sharing the wisdom of her years as we’d sit together surrounded by her beautiful garden.  I hear her reminding me the little girl who whole-heartedly dedicated her life to Jesus forty years ago is still there! The passionate young woman who wanted to conquer the world when she went to work for Teen Challenge twenty four years ago, she’s still there! She’s been there all along, looking back at me every morning in the mirror!